Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Randomize
