worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
