I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
