I wanna passion pit in your ass
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
