what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Randomize
