You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Hippo gnu deer
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
