peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
