Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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