apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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