I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
