I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
