needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Dignity is for republicans.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
