Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
