Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
