All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Randomize
