She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
