Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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