Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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