The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Randomize
