if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
