saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
