"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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