I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
