Whod you bang
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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