hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
