Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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