I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize