i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
