im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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