the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
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