hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
