Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Less talking, more tequila
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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