Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
