Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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