I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
