Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
