He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
