Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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