Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Verdict: uncircumcised.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
