At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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