I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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