I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I met the friendliest cop last night
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
