i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
