drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
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