I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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