So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Randomize
