I was born with a shot glass in my hand
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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