I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
