it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
