Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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