You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Randomize