So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
