If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
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