So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i just made my gag reflex go away.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Randomize