You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Please don't give away my fajitas
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
