You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
