He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Can I color on your dick again?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
