i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
