I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
