turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
