She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
