so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
