Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
