the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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