She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
